It's go time, Reader!
A few years ago, during preseason, I found myself at our first team meeting telling the group, “This is going to be a rebuilding year.” It just came out of my mouth. I did not plan it. I was trying to be honest about where we were as a program: we had graduated some key players, had a lot of new faces, and were heading into a tough schedule.
At the time, it felt like the right thing to say. Set realistic expectations. Ease some pressure.
But as the season went on, I noticed something odd. Every time we struggled in a match, players started saying things like, “Well, you know, it’s a rebuilding year.” When we had a tough practice? “Hey, we’re rebuilding.” After a loss? Same thing. It became this unspoken excuse floating over everything we did.
What hit me hardest was that I had created it. With one casual phrase, I gave the team a story to lean on. And not necessarily in a helpful way.
Halfway through the season, I caught myself. In a post-game talk, I deliberately shifted my language: “We are a team on the rise. We are figuring it out, and we are getting better every week.” Small change in wording. Big shift in tone. Over the next few weeks, the players started repeating that message instead. And our energy changed.
And it got me thinking….
We are wired for story. It is how we understand the world, and ourselves in it. From ancient myths to locker room speeches, stories shape identity, belief, and behavior.
We are telling stories all the time... Whether we realize it or not. Sometimes, in the way we introduce a team, “We’re a scrappy group.” Sometimes in the way we talk about challenges: “We always struggle in this gym.” Sometimes in the casual asides: “We just do not have that edge this year.”
And here is the kicker: people will often rise or shrink to fit those stories.
There is real science behind this. Psychologists call it narrative identity, the idea that the stories we tell about ourselves shape our thoughts, feelings, and actions. A player who hears, “We’re a team that learns fast,” starts to expect growth. One who hears, “We always choke under pressure,” starts to believe that, too.
Most of these stories are not born out of malice. They are habits. Traditions, even. Passed down over seasons and years, sometimes without reflection.
That reminds me of one of my older Mental Cast episodes, Episode 004 | Traditions, where I talked about how we often repeat things because “that is how we have always done it,” without asking if it is still serving us. The same goes for the language we use around our teams.
Now, here is where it gets interesting: it is not just coaches and teachers shaping these stories. Teammates do it. Parents do it. Social media does it. The broader culture of a sport does it.
And we do it to ourselves.
How many times have we caught ourselves thinking, “I’m just not good at coaching defense.” “I do not connect well with this generation.” “I am not a leader.” Those are stories, too. And they shape what we work on, what we avoid, and how we show up.
But the beautiful part? Stories can change. They can be rewritten.
I will leave you with this. Last season, after a particularly tough loss, I started a post-game talk by saying, “I know this one stings. But this is a team that learns fast. We will take this and get better.”
Later that week, I overheard a player in the gym tell a teammate, “It is fine. We are the team that learns fast. We’ll be ready next match.”
That moment stuck with me. They had picked up the new story. They were living into it.
So, as you head into this week, whether on the court, in the classroom, or even around your own dinner table, ask yourself:
What story are you telling? And is it one that helps them grow?
See you next week... and in the meantime, choose your words wisely.