Hey Reader!
Ever been to a dinner party where the host, who’s also the chef, is making their signature dish? Everything’s going smoothly...until, of course, someone walks by the pot, takes a little taste, and decides, “This could use a little something extra!” So, they toss in a pinch of salt. Then someone else comes by, takes a bite, and thinks, “Mmm, needs a little kick!” So they add some cayenne pepper. By the time the meal is ready to serve, the dish isn’t what the chef intended at all, it’s a mashed-up version of everyone’s idea of what’s good.
Now, let’s talk about youth sports. I feel like we’re doing the exact same thing. Coaches have a plan, but parents are adding their own bits of “motivation,” private coaches are tossing in their advice, and everyone is stepping in with their seasoning. And when the team or athlete doesn’t work out like we hoped, suddenly it’s the head coach’s fault. We’re all just walking by the metaphorical dinner, tossing in our own ingredients. But guess what? It’s time to stop.
And it got me thinking…
The real issue here is what’s called mental clutter. When too many external influences and “quick fixes” muddy the waters of progress. Everyone wants to be involved, and while the intentions are good, it often leads to confusion and distraction. In youth sports, this often manifests as well-meaning parents stepping in with advice, private coaches trying to “perfect” something that’s already being developed within the team framework, and even friends or family members offering their own tips on what should be done. The result? Athletes become overwhelmed, unclear about their objectives, and unable to fully trust the plan that’s been set out for them by the head coach.
Let’s face it: in sports, as in cooking, too many cooks in the kitchen make a mess. The head coach is the one who has the big picture in mind. They know the team’s strengths, weaknesses, and where improvements need to be made. They have a vision. But when everyone else keeps tweaking things, it’s like we’ve forgotten the simple lesson of sticking to the original recipe. All of these different voices add unnecessary noise, and eventually, the outcome is something that doesn’t resemble the plan at all.
Now, I get it, everyone wants the best for their kid or athlete. You want them to succeed, you want to push them to be their best, and sometimes that drive leads to interference. But here’s the truth: the head coach is the one who should be in control of the plan. It’s their job to design a strategy and guide players through it. When you try to add your own ingredients, you risk derailing the whole process.
So what can we do about it? We need to encourage focus, patience, and trust in the plan. Let the coach do their job and trust the process. When you’ve got a clear, well-constructed plan, adding to it in a way that supports the overall vision is great. But hijacking it with your own ideas every time someone walks by is counterproductive.
For parents, this means resisting the urge to step in with unsolicited advice or to sign up for multiple private lessons because you think it’s what’s best. For athletes, it means shutting out the distractions and trusting that the training, the feedback, and the coaching you’re receiving are all part of the bigger picture. You don’t need 15 different recipes for success; you need one solid, focused plan to follow.
Let’s talk about team bonding for a second.
As we talk about adding more ingredients to the mix, let’s touch on one of the most beloved “additions” in youth sports: team bonding. Now, don’t get me wrong...the idea of building team chemistry is great. We want athletes to feel connected, supported, and united as a group. But here’s the catch: some players just need space to decompress, not another activity piled on top of an already intense schedule.
Think about it. After a long game or practice, we often shove our athletes into team bonding events or dinners, expecting them to bond even more. But for some athletes, that’s the last thing they need. They’ve already spent hours socializing, competing, and giving it their all. The last thing they need is to go to a team dinner where they’re stuck with awkward small talk or forced socialization. Let’s not even get started on the food, which might not be their jam either. Then, the next day, we expect them to perform at an elite level. It’s like asking someone to run a marathon after giving them a full meal and a long list of social obligations.
What’s the real goal here? Is it about forcing everyone into the same box of “team bonding” activities, or is it about respecting each athlete’s need to recharge in their own way? The sport itself should be the ultimate bonding experience. If we’re always adding more on top of that; more dinners, more games, more activities. We risk pushing athletes past their limit. And then we wonder why they’re not performing at their best. It’s simple: when we pile on too much, we’re doing the opposite of bonding. We’re creating stress and burnout.
So here’s my take: let’s focus on quality, not quantity, when it comes to team bonding. Let athletes decompress when they need to. Don’t force them into every social situation. Keep the focus on the sport, the competition, and the experience itself. Sometimes, less really is more.
So here’s the deal: the next time you feel the urge to jump in and tweak the plan; whether you’re a parent, a coach, or an athlete...take a step back. Ask yourself, "Am I adding something that helps or am I just making a mess?" The goal is to keep things simple, stay focused, and trust the process.
Now, just to make sure we’re all on the same page here: if you’re the coach, own your plan and don’t let every distraction pull you off course. If you’re a parent, let the coach do their thing and be their biggest supporter. If you’re an athlete, stay in the moment, focus on what you can control, and stop second-guessing everything.
Let’s stop the mental clutter, start respecting the process, and trust the recipe. And if you happen to be the one with the perfect signature dish? Don’t let anyone mess with it. They don’t know what goes into making it work. You do.
Until next time, remember…
#DontSuck. It’s either one day or day one. The choice is yours.